Really? Are we really talking about this now?

So, I haven't blogged for a while, and for a good reason. The 29th Annual Start! Orange County Heart Walk, the $1.5 million-fund-raising-6,500-people-party-giving-event in the most anal city in the world (Irvine) that I plan for all year long will come to fruition in T-7 days. Needless to say, I have been eating (too much due to stress), sleeping (too little due to anxiety and work) and breathing (when I get a chance) Heart Walk.

Not only that, but I am forced not to work yesterday (furlough day) or Monday (horribly timed Labor Day) and then come back to the office with T-4 days to go. As I left the office early on Thursday (forced so as to avoid overtime from earlier in the week), all I could think about was that I still didn't have a permit from the County Health Department, or the Building and Planning Department of the City of Irvine, I have nowhere to store 2400 bottles of juice that is being delivered on Friday and needs to be stored until Sunday, I don't have trucks set to rent to move everything on Friday and Saturday, I still have no one to sing the national anthem, no marching band on the route, haven't heard back about cheerleaders, don't have pamplets back form the printers, no banners yet, no t-shirt for volunteers and staff, etc. etc. etc.

Needless to say, I wake up in the middle of the night not being able to breathe and think, "Just make it through. You will survive this."

So, as I was talking to my Mom about all of these things that keep me awake at night she says, "Have you thought about taking that international test thing to work in embassies? I really think you should." I stop and stare, shocked that we are having that discussion right now. She goes on, "I just think you would have a lot of fun issuing passports and visas and things in other countries. You should at least take the test, I mean, if you don't pass, you don't pass, right?" (The test she is referring to is the Foreign Service Exam).

I replied, "Well, I don't really think I want to go into Foreign Service and am more interested in International Development." What I really meant was "Are we really talking about this one week before my event? Stop right now or I will have an anxiety attack as we speak since I now know that you think my job is crap."

Then she says, "Well, then maybe you should be applying to graduate programs. I really think that you should just be working toward doing what you really want to do." I gave a short response about the costs of graduate school that would not easily be paid off by a job in the international development world, as well as the costs and preparation right now to apply to graduate school and take the GRE again.

At that point, she must have picked up on my tone of voice and the tenseness in my shoulders as she says, "Oh, well I guess right now that's not the first thing on your mind anyway."

Ya think??? So here I am, now also stressed about my future and whether or not I should be applying to grad school while trying to get my permits processed for an event that happens in 1 week. Sigh. I think I need to learn to better manage my stress. Sorry for the rant, but if you can't do it on your blog, where can you do it, right?

Oh, and if you are curious about the event, feel free to visit www.ocheartwalk.org

Crap, I need to update the webpage for next week and get an email campaign together, send details to the volunteers, get instructional signs together, make contact sheets, get clipboards and laminating sheets, make volunteer passes and route parking passes........