Reflecting

Okay, I have a confession to make. I really don't get the whole New Year's thing. I mean, unless you are a big drinker or are really excited to set off your illegal fireworks right outside my window, I just don't really think it's a big deal. Maybe that's because I've never had a magical Happy New Year moment, but most of the parties and celebrations I have ever been to on NYE I could describe with one word: lame. (sorry if you are one of the people that was with me at those moments).

Anyway, upon further reflection I decided to write down a couple of points of interest from the past year. I don't really like making New Year's Resolutions because I think they are, well, lame - I mean, why does it have to be a special day to make a goal? Why is January 1 different than any other day? So, here are some thoughts (don't feel you have to read these if you have absolutely no interest...though if that is the case, I doubt you are still reading this post now...):

1. Getting old sucks. It just does. Whether it's turning 29 or 90, it just really stinks. Eventually you lose your drivers license, can't walk on your own, and all of your friends are gone. Sucky.

2. I still am a really crappy correspondant. Hopefully, at this point all of my good friends are aware of that failing and don't condemn me when I don't return calls or emails quickly. Though I do have to say that texting might be my strong point...

3. I love seeing my best friends start their families. There is a twinge of sadness that I'm not there with them, but overall I am so completely happy that they are getting what they want in life and they have beautiful and loving families and are having great adventures.

4. Being sick sucks. Being sick for over a year sucks. Being sick for over a year and not really have a complete solution sucks. Being sick for over a year with no solution and having tons of tests REALLY sucks. Blood tests, cat scans, x-rays, EKGs, ultrasounds, endoscopies, and wearing a tube down your throat all really suck. Having to pretend that you feel fine at work so your supervisor doesn't start to assume that you can't do your job and keep hinting that maybe you should take some time off so you can sit at home and do nothing also sucks. Moving on...

5. I have developed adult ADD. You think I'm joking, but I'm not. Case in point - grad school applications are still not done. ADD + sick = big time sucks.

6. Although MacGregor (our dog) is old, runs into things, can't really see or smell very well, and sleeps 23.5 hours a day, I still love that old man. There's nothing better on a rainy morning than cuddling in a nice, soft, warm bed with a really soft, warm dog sleeping deeply next to you. (of course, later when that dog tracks in poop from the backyard because he can't see that he's stepping in it, those feelings begin to fade).

7. I'm nervous and scared that for some reason this grad school thing won't work out. Maybe it's not what I'm supposed to be doing (which would be the worst since there's nothing else to do!), and maybe I won't get into any of the schools I apply to. Or maybe I will get in and won't be feeling better and won't have any health insurance...sigh. I need to stop worrying about this.

8. I really love my family. As we have gotten older, it had really opened up a whole new dimension to the relationships between me and my siblings. Although they still have the ability to bug me like no one else and won't ever let me forget my faults, they really are the only people in the whole world that I am utterly and completely comfortable with. I especially love hanging out with my sisters (sorry, boys). We know each other so well and can just laugh and have fun and be stupid and silly and mean and we will still love each other.

9. I am really excited that there will be a new niece and another new niece/nephew to join the family this year! It's hard that people don't live close by anymore, but I love those nieces and nephews more than I ever thought possible.

10. My sister-in-law stole my birthday. Okay, she didn't really steal it, but it's weird to not be the only one in the family with my birthday now. Although I do love you, R, and am happy you are a part of the family!

11. Sealings of super close friends and siblings are really great. When K and R got married this summer, I was just so happy for them. It will be fun to see how R starts to fit into the family dynamic as we get to know her better and she becomes one of the group.

12. I miss bread. I miss wheat. I even miss rye and barley even though I didn't eat them much before.

13. Confession - I haven't cut my hair for probably over a year now, not even a trim. I know, I know! It's horrible but when I think of the complications of trying to find someone who will use gluten-free products and sitting in a salon with gluten-filled air floating around me, I get really chicken. I keep putting it off. I'm really good at that. So when people tell me they like how long my hair is now, I always feel a twinge of guilt that it is a direct result of avoidance.

14. Apparently, I am "closed." Or that's the response that I got when a guy was telling me about a couple of guys in the ward who think I'm great. I then said, well, nobody ever asks me out. Then he said that they said that I seem "closed." What is that supposed to mean? Maybe because I don't have the flirting gene? I try to be friendly with everyone. I'm not actually sure why I am so bothered since most of the people in my ward are the age of my youngest brother, but I am. Oh well, this way I don't have to be awkward about dating someone under the age of 25 anyway.

I could probably think of some other things, but I kind of like the idea of my list ending at a random number like 14. Keeps people off-balance. Anyway, here's hoping that this year is a great one - although I am sure it will be full of ups and downs like the other ones. :)